Welcome back, says the Link-Up, I know it's been a while. Just blame it on this stupid blogger who's so up his own [we'll get to that later] that he can't sit back and let other people do the talking.
Oh, suuuuure, he set up that awesome Twitter feed for my home, and he's writing those stupid Round-Ups (*cough* inconsistently *cough*), but can't he sit back for a minute and pay some modicum of respect to that whole "deference to the experts" thing?
But I'm back anyway so let's make it a good one. He found that sex lecture at Northwestern thing so interesting that he started looking up what people are into. Popular fetishes, what people are writing about the state of sex in the US, etc... It's kinda weird but hey, I'm back out in the world so who am I to complain?
Alright, look, USA. I know you're weirded out by sex. Hopefully, not when you do it, but definitely when it's talked about in public. Why is talking about it necessary? It seems strange to talk about it. It just seems kinda inappropriate. Etcetera. I grew up in this country. I know that even liberals in the most liberal parts of the country don't want to talk about sex. I know everyone avoids it so no one has to talk about it so no one does talk about it etc...
But here's the thing: Sex is natural. Sex is fun and if not, then - not to be imposing - but I would recommend you try to find out why. Sex is relaxing. Sex is...sex is just awesome and there's nothing wrong with that. Many of us love it and everyone can love it (although the older you get the harder it is, probably). We don't talk about it because this country is rooted in religious conservatism (I think) and that religious conservatism is making sex awkward for a lot of people. Personally, I say start talking about it, be more comfortable with acknowledging that everyone does it, and see life become more fun. Sex. Sex. Sex. Sex is awesome. I like sex. All my friends like sex (precluding those who haven't done it yet, but I'm sure they will all love it; yes, northeast, there are virgins at non-religious colleges). Sex!
Dude, come on!
Sorry. So I saw this article about a woman and man who attended a BDSM seminar at Northwestern, with the intention only of answering questions. Apparently, they thought the video shown was lame so the woman got naked and her boyfriend used a kind of dildo (AH! I saw you squirm! Hang in there, this'll get more intellectual-like) to bring her to an orgasm. I read somewhere that she wanted to demonstrate that the female orgasm is real (I hope that isn't necessary). The woman has said that it wasn't meant to be a big story but, hey, it's sex and it's public and it happened at a respected university. We hate to talk about sex...but we love to talk about sex...or complain about it...whatever.
So let's just read about it. With apologies to the homosexual community, who are woefully underrepresented in this post (if you care, you can always post a link or comment; If I think it's interesting, I'll tack it onto the end of the post), pick your starting point: Slate, where they got a bunch of sex columnists to submit the one most nagging question they have never been able to ask about sex. The Most Interesting Sexxy Award goes to Dan Savage, the Most Philosophical to Rabbi Shmuley Boteach, and the Most Likely to Make the Ladies Laugh to Ian Kerner.
Or, AskMen, where they have compiled a list of mens' top ten kinks. I never even thought of some of these as fetishes (fingernails? oh, maybe that's why fingernail painting is so rampant) and some always seemed too weird to be mainstream (this really would make you leave). The most strangest thing though? A lot of men like to be dominated. Like, not softly asked to do something, but spanked, penetrated and whipped. Very interesting.
Side Note: Did you notice that? I didn't. Women can dominate and be penetrated but penetration is on my list of examples of how men are dominated during sex. Here's an article about how pleasurable penetration can be for males (it's how you get to our G-spot) and how to do it properly. In a bit of irony, I feel compelled to state that I have never tried it.
But let's move on. How about the meaning of a man penetrating a woman from woman's point of view and a man's? To the man, I would like to write that I don't thinK the desire to penetrate generally comes from an anger at women; I think it comes from a biological desire to dominate but that that desire can take forms across the emotional spectrums. To the woman, I would like to write that women can be dominant while being penetrated and perhaps women who are afraid of penetration should do so. Perhaps they could start by being on top? Maybe hold the guys wrists or something. I think it seems possible.
Wow, it does feel weird to write about sex when I know it'll be published but let's read some myths about female orgasms. Did you know that G-spot stimulation can make a woman want to pee really badly? Have you ever thought of asking your lover to masturbate in front of you to figure out what she likes?
Then, maybe some "male pleasure positions." And, to round out this advice mini-section, the 6 mistakes men and women make. Um, ladies, it says right there on the bottom of the latter's first page that we don't even notice half the things you obsess over when trying to look beautiful or sexy.
Ok, that's a lot of links. Two more though, then I'll let you go. First, why we should rethink the age of consent, as William Saletan argues that a 17-year-old who has oral sex with a 15-year-old should not face the same punishment as a 53-year-old who has sex with a 5-year-old. Second, why senior homes should be much more lax in how they treat residents who want to have sex, as Daniel Engber argues that it should be seen as healthy and natural rather than exploitative and gross.
But if you do want to stick around, I would like to write a couple of replies to a couple of quotes in that article about the demonstration at Northwestern:
"I bet a few of the parents of these students wouldn’t mind taking a paddle to the clowns running this university-turned-S&M theater." (Michelle Malkin)
First of all, one demonstration does not constitute "S&M theater." Second, while I'm sure many parents will be angry, a university is supposed to be a place where people are free to challenge conventions and explore new ideas. S&M may not be new but it certainly is a marginalized idea, and I would be angrier at my school if it didn't allow professors and students to voluntarily explore the idea through whatever means they felt appropriate. And sex, no matter how expressed, is certainly central enough to human nature for the reasons for learning about it to be self-evident.
"I can't for the life of me figure out what the intellectual value of this exercise was supposed to be. I'm also afraid to ask what the homework assignments are like." (James Joyner)
Mr. Joyner started by accepting this because it was voluntary but then felt the need to qualify with the above, which means he is just another guy willing to tentatively accept something that makes him uncomfortable but simultaneously dismiss it for being "weird." Second, if you can't figure out what the intellectual value is, then do some research, ask, or withhold judgement rather than dismissing by admitting ignorance. Ditto for the homework assignments comment, since you so deftly admitted you know nothing about something while dismissing that something. Also, I somehow doubt that the homework assignments involve making people have sex or making people watch sex, but to be honest I would hope that "human sexuality" students would be encouraged to see multiple expressions of the act they are studying.
"If there is informed consent before this happens and none of the University's money is going to this, I don't think I would care even if I had a child enrolled in that school." (Aaron Worthing)
Again, I was always under the impression that universities were supposed to be bastions of learning. Shouldn't we celebrate our money paying for explorations of the unexplored?
And anyway, why can't we withhold judgement? It was voluntary. I tweeted with the lady in question and she said it wasn't meant to be a big deal. So I think the question is this: in an extracurricular seminar in which attendance was voluntary, and in which a number of students chose to watch a demonstration of what they were there to talk about, why do so many people with no connection to the incident feel the need to judge and judge harshly?
Note: As with all Link-Ups, feel free to submit your own links. I will update this post with any I think add to it.
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